Pat Urban3

Signs You’re Probably Too Old to Pose for Playboy

Suzanne Somers recently proposed a titillating idea for how to celebrate her upcoming 75th birthday: Appear naked in Playboy magazine, preferably shot by respected photographer Annie Leibovitz. Unfortunately for the former Three’s Company actress, the nudie mag was shuttered two weeks ago over declining sales and coronavirus concerns – although its online edition is still up and running.   The…

BUS_FI_2019

Dumbest Quarantine Fights

Someone on Twitter asked people, “What’s the dumbest fight you and your significant other or roommate have gotten into since being trapped inside together?” Some of the responses: – “I got really angry over the suggestion that we should throw away the giant flour tortillas that have been in the fridge for two weeks.” –…

Pat Urban3

Top Things You Don’t Want to Hear from Your Doctor

Today is National Doctors’ Day, a day where we appreciate all that doctors do for us.  Except if your doctor utters anything like you’ll hear on this list of The Top Things You Don’t Want to Hear from Your Doctor.     Psst, you need a ventilator?  I got a thousand of ’em stashed in a…

BUS_FI_2019

Ways to Kill Time This Weekend

Do you have to self-quarantine at home this weekend?  If so, we can help alleviate the boredom with this list of The Top Ways to Kill Time This Weekend.    Go on a citywide toilet paper hunt. Make cardboard costumes and re-enact the way “Game of Thrones” SHOULD have ended. Watch “House Hunters” and take a shot of whiskey every…

Pat Urban3

Things That Will Get You Kicked Off a Video Conference Call

  Communicating through homemade sock puppets Firing up your crack pipe on camera Brandishing a firearm of any kind Making the “L for Loser” sign on your forehead Keeping the camera aimed at your crotch the entire time Repeatedly shouting, “Hey, am I on TV!?” Three words: Helium balloon voice Shaving any part of your…

BUS_FI_2019

Surviving In Close Quarters: Advice From A Submariner

A man who used to work on submarines has offered some advice on how not to go crazy in close quarters with your family or roommates. His name is Jon Bailey – here’s what he wrote: – During my time in the Submarine Service, I – along with many others – endured many weeks and…

Pat Urban3

Surprising “Facts” About Dolphins  

Since March is Dolphin Awareness Month, and we all need a break from the pandemic . . . let’s check out The Top Surprising Facts About Dolphins.    A dolphin can leap up to 20 feet in the air.  Like you after your wife catches you on the computer late at night. Scientists say they probably…

Pat Urban3

Surprises in the Woody Allen Memoir

  Not a single complaint out of the guy! Funny, but not in a “ha ha” way Excelled in high school wrestling The only place he really relaxes is the gun range Real name: Rodrigo Villanueva According to the book, he’s only 42 years old The inspiration for the Annie Hall character was Golda Meir…

Pat Urban3

The Top Things to Still Be Happy About

It’s hard not to feel down with all the coronavirus chaos.  But there’s always a silver lining.  Here are The Top Things to Still Be Happy About.    Whatever comedy Adam Sandler was working on has been postponed. You can binge-watch TV 24-7 and feel like a gosh-darn PATRIOT! Pete Davidson can’t date. Sheltering-in-place means no…

Pat Urban3

The Least Popular Streamed TV Shows

With much of the country self-quarantining, streaming TV shows help pass the time.  Hopefully you’ll select something good . . . and will pass on anything from this list of The Least Popular Streamed TV Shows.    “Quarantine Your Enthusiasm” “The Masked Singer . . . and the Masked Doctor . . . and the Masked…

Pat Urban3

Saint Patrick’s Day Fun “Facts”

In honor of today being St. Patrick’s Day, please enjoy this list of The Top St. Patrick’s Day Fun Facts.     Saint Patrick used a shamrock to demonstrate the Holy Trinity . . . but only after determining he couldn’t smoke it. If you don’t wear green today, you’ll get pinched.  Unless you also have…

Pat Urban3

Little-Known Facts about St. Patrick

  HATED cabbage, but who doesn’t? Never held down a real job Wielded a mighty shillelagh, at least according to an ex-girlfriend Elected to the Saint Hall of Fame in 1996 Oh, he could put away the Guinness, alright! Besides the snakes, also drove the salamanders out of Ireland Possessed the combined powers of all…

Pat Urban3

Signs You’re Watching a Bad Friday the 13th Movie

  You’re openly rooting for Jason It’s a crossover with the Paddington Bear franchise Jason’s traded in the hockey mask for a coronavirus mask Was the “Baby Shark” song really the best choice? One word: Claymation You’re on the edge of your seat, mainly because you’re thinking about leaving This one’s all about teaching kids not to…

Pat Urban3

Top New NFL Rule Proposals

NFL owners are meeting this week to discuss new rule proposals for next season.  Here are The Top New NFL Rule Proposals.    Tripping is okay . . . if it’s on LSD. Players caught chop-blocking have to spend an hour listening to Joe Buck. Robert Kraft’s masseuse can be flagged for illegal use of hands.…

BUS_FI_2019

Our Favorite Superheroes and Superhero Villains

 Here are the 10 most popular superheroes, according to the poll . . .   1.  Superman 2.  Spider-Man 3.  Batman 4.  Captain America 5.  Iron Man 6.  Wonder Woman 7.  Aquaman 8.  Captain Marvel 9.  Black Panther 10.  Wolverine, the only X-Men character on the list.   Now here are America’s 10 favorite superhero VILLAINS…

Pat Urban3

Tips on Working from Home

The coronavirus is causing some companies to require that employees work from home.  We can help make that transition easier with this list of The Top Working From Home Tips.    Avoid family, friends, or pets.  Okay, in your case:  pets. Listen to music.  But not Men at Work.  Because that’s ironic. Pair your Hard Rock…

BUS_FI_2019

Cinnamon Toast Crunch Isn’t the Worst Cereal for You

In recognition of National Cereal Day on Saturday, CNN ranked popular cereals from least to most sugar content. And honestly, it’s a shocker that any of us are still here. The list ranks 13 cereals from the ‘90s/’00s; according to the Child and Adult Care Program, if any cereal has .21 grams of sugar or…

Pat Urban3

Excuses for Being Late to Work This Morning

Losing an hour Sunday with Daylight Saving Time tends to throw our body clocks off.   Which puts that near the top of today’s list of The Top Excuses for Being Late to Work This Morning.     You fell for one of those Internet hoaxes called “coronavirus.” Let’s just say this toilet paper shortage is REALLY…

Pat Urban3

Least Popular Cereals

Tomorrow is National Cereal Day.  It’s a day to celebrate cereals we love . . . which doesn’t include anything from this list of The Least Popular Cereals.     Crispy Wheats & Coronavirus. Sharted Wheat. Frosted Phlegm Flakes. Cyanide Toast Crunch. Flu Berry. Loogie Charms. Mold-en Grahams. Lots-O-Glass. Meth-O-Meal. Accosted Flakes. Booger Smacks. My Mom…

Pat Urban3

Things on Mike Bloomberg’s To-Do List

So what’s next for Mike Bloomberg now that he’s dropped out of the presidential race?  Get some answers from this list of The Top Things on Mike Bloomberg’s To-Do List.    Buy some coronavirus.  Mail it to Elizabeth Warren. Go back to letting the Knicks be New York City’s biggest embarrassment. Get a refund on that…