Things You Find in Every Fast Food Meal

  • A translucent pickle.
  • Enough cholesterol to make your heart file a restraining order.
  • A balled-up wad of napkins already stained with grease.
  • A sprig of lettuce that can be easily peeled off and thrown in the trash because . . . produce, ewww!
  • A lone French fry in your onion rings.  Or a lone onion ring in your French fries.  Or neither, if the drive-thru dude was so high he left it out of your order.
  • A sauce packet you have to use your teeth to open.
  • A patty that the restaurant claims is meat but DNA tests came back inconclusive.