Lame Excuses Parents Use When They Get Caught Digging Through Their Kid’s Halloween Candy

A new Instacart survey reveals just how much we love Halloween candy . . . and in parents’ case, a little TOO much.  Which is why moms and dads always wind up using a line from today’s list of Lame Excuses Parents Use When They Get Caught Digging Through Their Kid’s Halloween Candy.

  • I’m just checking for razor blades.
  • I’m distributing the candy evenly so your bag won’t break.
  • I’m playing hide-and-seek with the dog and thought she might be in here.
  • I’m separating the Smarties from the Dum Dums.
  • I’m getting rid of anything that’s not “fun size” so it doesn’t kill the vibe.
  • I’m just looking for the car keys.  Oh, wait.  This isn’t my purse!
  • I need to use some Tootsie Rolls to patch a hole in my carburetor. 
  • I thought I heard a tiny voice yelling for help.  There.  Did you hear it?
  • Listen, kid.  I pay for the roof over your damn head and I’m taking a peanut butter cup.  (Okay, technically not an excuse . . . but TRUE!)