A new Instacart survey reveals just how much we love Halloween candy . . . and in parents’ case, a little TOO much. Which is why moms and dads always wind up using a line from today’s list of Lame Excuses Parents Use When They Get Caught Digging Through Their Kid’s Halloween Candy.
- I’m just checking for razor blades.
- I’m distributing the candy evenly so your bag won’t break.
- I’m playing hide-and-seek with the dog and thought she might be in here.
- I’m separating the Smarties from the Dum Dums.
- I’m getting rid of anything that’s not “fun size” so it doesn’t kill the vibe.
- I’m just looking for the car keys. Oh, wait. This isn’t my purse!
- I need to use some Tootsie Rolls to patch a hole in my carburetor.
- I thought I heard a tiny voice yelling for help. There. Did you hear it?
- Listen, kid. I pay for the roof over your damn head and I’m taking a peanut butter cup. (Okay, technically not an excuse . . . but TRUE!)