Ways to Be a Smart Drinker

“Smart drinkers” never exceed two drinks per hour.  What other nuggets of wisdom do these brainy boozehounds have to share with the rest of us inebriated idiots?  Find out with today’s list of Ways to Be a Smart Drinker.

  • Never accept a cocktail from Bill Cosby.
  • Switch to water once your liver begins to whimper.
  • Watch Rudy Giuliani . . . and do the opposite.
  • Stop playing darts when you start seeing double.
  • Try not to be bummed out by the person staring back at you in the mirrored bar.
  • Unplug the jukebox when you hear the opening cords of “Achy Breaky Heart”.
  • Never offer to buy a round for the bar when Johnny Depp’s there.