Things You Never Want to Hear from the Person Next to You on a Plane

A Southwest passenger AirDropped a junk-pic to every passenger on his flight.  So, add “I just sent you a photo of my junk” to today’s list of Things You Never Want to Hear from the Person Next to You on a Plane.

  • Don’t mind the blood.  I always cough it up when I have COVID.
  • I’m an anxious flyer.  Can I hold your hand during takeoff?  And landing?  And the entire time we’re in the air?
  • Leave some room on the armrest to dry my socks.
  • Your lips look so soft.  May I touch them?
  • Instead of buying a ticket for my newborn, I stuck her in the overhead bin.
  • I can’t believe I made it through TSA with these exotic snakes taped to my leg.
  • Can you distract the flight attendant while I light my shoe?
  • My name’s Rick.  But friends call me The Human Fart Machine.