Things Only Country Folk Know How to Do

A possum wandered into a bar in Brooklyn last Thursday, and everyone freaked out except for one woman who’s originally from Alaska.  She casually grabbed it by the scruff of the neck, walked it outside, and people called her a “hero.”  So, add “Kick a wild animal out of a bar” to today’s list of the . . Things Only Country Folk Know How to Do.

  • Turn a jug, washboard, and spoons into an orchestra.
  • Get a D.U.I. on a lake.
  • Find a tractor “sexy.”
  • Use every pocket on a pair of overalls.
  • Skin roadkill into a pair of fuzzy slippers.
  • Write countless songs about a dirt road.
  • Preserve the legacy of Dale Earnhardt.
  • Identify everything on the wall of a Cracker Barrel.
  • Get anal-probed by an alien.
  • Parallel park their house.