Signs That What You’re about to Eat Will Come Back to Haunt You

Happy National Eat What You Want Day!  But before you celebrate by inhaling every piece of trashy food in sight, keep an eye out for anything on today’s list of Signs That What You’re about to Eat Will Come Back to Haunt You.

  • It arrived in a box that says “Papa John’s.”
  • If you finish it, you get your photo on a wall full of really fat people.
  • When you ask your waitress what pairs well with it, she says “Hepatitis.”
  • Before you can take a bite, you have to sign a waiver.
  • The ketchup bottle refuses to dispense out of pride.
  • You can’t say for sure, but you think you just saw it twitch.
  • It’s sushi.  And you’re a prominent critic of Vladimir Putin.
  • After you let your dog take a bite, he immediately licks his butt to get the taste out of his mouth.