Surefire Ways to Fall Asleep

Experts say seven hours is the perfect amount of sleep.  Which sounds easy if you’re someone who zonks out the second your head hits the pillow. Fortunately, for those of us who struggle nightly, here’s a list of “Surefire” Ways to Fall Asleep.

  • Ask a millennial to explain crypto.
  • Share a cocktail with Bill Cosby.
  • Get one of those machines that only plays white noise.  Or whatever you call Coldplay.
  • Set the thermostat to a comfortable temperature.  Especially since that’s as close to a “69” in the bedroom as you’ll ever get.
  • Two words:  “Jimmy” and “Fallon.”  Or “base” and “ball.”  And if you somehow find a way to watch Jimmy Fallon play baseball?  Brother, get ready to crash until 2032.
  • Make sure your bed is warm, comfortable and . . . if you’re dating Amber Heard . . . poop-free!