Things That Make the Perfect Piece of Candy

The average person discovers their favorite candy at age 11.  But what exactly is a good piece of candy?  We have the answer thanks to today’s list of the Things That Make the Perfect Piece of Candy.

  • It masks the stench of booze.
  • It contains enough sugar to put a diabetic into a coma.
  • It’s located in the section of the store labeled “Edibles.”
  • It keeps its flavor more than three seconds.  (Sorry, Bazooka Joe.)
  • It comes in a dispenser featuring a beloved cartoon character’s decapitated head.
  • It’s NOT a Peep