Signs You’re a Bad Parent

  • You named your kid “Oopsie.”
  • You taught your daughter the f-bomb because you think a cursing three-year-old is funny.  Which it is.
  • That “Encanto” CD your son won’t stop listening to?  Yeah, somehow it just flew out your car window while driving over a bridge.
  • You tied a red balloon to your daughter’s doorknob and told her the clown from “It” will get her if she leaves her room after bedtime.
  • You took the batteries from your son’s smoke alarm for the TV remote.
  • To ease your kid’s expectations at Christmas, you told him that Santa’s dead.
  • Your daughter knows to leave mommy alone when it’s “wine o’clock.”
  • You convinced your son that you’re a shapeshifter so you can hire other people to go to his tee-ball games.