9% of Americans want the Olympics to allow steroids. And once the International Olympic Committee grants that request, they can move on to today’s list of the Other Things People Want to See at the Olympics.
- Alec Baldwin added to the biathlon.
- Goodbye, medals. Hello, gold, silver, and bronze Truck Nutz.
- Speedskaters awarded extra points for slicing through fingers with their blades.
- The Olympic torch lit by a redneck with a flamethrower.
- Johnny Weir’s dress code changed to Dockers and a polo shirt.
- Ski jumpers landing in that Black Widow crouch from “The Avengers”.
- The Parade of Nations reduced to just the athletes we care about. So, Americans and Russians on drugs.