Possibly-True Santa “Fun-Facts”

  • He wears that red suit because he also works as a “Squid Game” guard.
  • He was a person-of-interest after a pro-union elf was found in a shallow Jersey landfill.
  • The reason you saw him kissing mommy is because they’re both trapped in loveless marriages.
  • He grew the beard to hide plastic surgery scars from a botched procedure in Tijuana.
  • January through November . . . the only people allowed on his lap are strippers.