Things Our Older Siblings Taught Us

Kids bullied by older siblings experience mental health issues as adults.  But the knowledge older brothers and sisters drop on us more than make up for the trauma.  Like anything from today’s list of the Things Older Siblings Taught Us.

  • Even though the birth certificate says “Jason,” our name is actually “Jerk Face.”
  • If they straight-arm our heads, we can’t reach theirs no matter how hard we swing.
  • If we get the same teacher they had, that teacher must explode in joy and rave about how great they were.
  • It’s not enough to pin you down.  They also have to act like they’re going to spit.
  • When it’s time to divvy Halloween trick-or-treating hauls, they get the Peanut Butter Cups.  We get the Whoppers.
  • The top part of our ear is meant to be repeatedly flicked while we’re challenged to “do something about it.”
  • If we try walking to school with them, we’re DEAD.
  • Even though mom had to marry dad because she was pregnant with them, WE are the ones who were a mistake.