Signs You’re at a Bad Haunted House

A haunted house actor in Ohio who decided to use a real knife wound up stabbing a boy in the foot.  So, add “the maniac trying to kill you is ACTUALLY trying to kill you” to today’s list of Signs You’re at a Bad Haunted House.

  • The creepy old man beckoning you to enter?  Rudy Giuliani.
  • The scariest thing about it are the tacky popcorn ceilings.
  • The wolfman won’t stop humping your leg.
  • Guests are asked to use a Swiffer on unsightly cobwebs.
  • The only thing that chases you down the hallway is a Roomba.
  • The mummy is half-wrapped due to a toilet paper shortage.
  • One of the rooms is being renovated by The Property Brothers.
  • The moans are coming from the bathroom.
  • You take a wrong turn and walk in on an elderly swinger’s party.