Tips for Having a Great Labor Day Barbecue

It’s Labor Day weekend, which means barbecues for many of you.  We can help make it awesome with this list of The Top Tips for Having a Great Labor Day Barbecue.

  • Make sure you have plenty of ketchup, mustard, and horse de-wormer.
  • Insist that each guest wear a face mask . . . and nothing else.
  • If you see even a single milk crate . . . run.
  • Maintain six feet of social distance with guests.  Twelve feet if the guest is Andrew Cuomo.
  • Avoid talking politics.  Not because it’s polarizing.  Because you’re too dumb to know anything about politics.
  • Encourage your guests to play a fun backyard game like “cornhole.”  Also, try that one game where people throw beanbags onto a board.
  • Ignore your colon when it starts squirming after your eighth burger.
  • Make your playlist so inoffensive that everyone will hate it equally.
  • Bring some veggie burgers to identify the communists
  • If the party isn’t going well and you want it to end, just yell, “Look out, Murder Hornets!”