Tips for Having an Epic Fourth of July Party

If you’re hosting a Fourth of July Party on Sunday, we want to help make it awesome.  Here are The Top Tips for Having an Epic Fourth of July Party.

  • Before you start your pro wrasslin’ in the backyard, make sure everyone participating knows it’s fake.

  • Remember, the flag is supposed to be red, white, and blue…Not the bean dip.

  • Make sure the bald eagle is thoroughly cooked before serving it.

  • Show your patriotism by buying a bunch of cheap crap that’s made in China 

  • Add a new layer of festivity by asking the prostitutes to dress up as George Washington and Ben Franklin.

  • Try not to laugh when Grandma says she’s down for some “cornholin’.”

  • Show how much you support America by only buying beer that comes in special red, white, and blue cans.

  • Play fun games.  Put up a dartboard with Bill Cosby’s face on it.

  • Use all the explosives you have left over from your gender reveal party.

  • Give the Finger to someone from Britain.

  • Make sure whoever’s in charge of the fireworks isn’t nicknamed “Nubby.”