Signs You Have a Woke Toddler

So many Americans proclaim to be “woke.”  But what about their kids?  Here are The Top Signs You Have a Woke Toddler.


  • When you play cops and robbers, he always wants to be the civil rights attorney.

  • Her Legos are unorganized because she doesn’t see color.

  • Before he’ll play with a toy, he demands a certificate proving that it wasn’t made in a foreign sweatshop by other toddlers.

  • He wants to defund the Paw Patrol.

  • If it’s not almond milk, it’s a problem.

  • He’s embarrassed that he was conceived by such a hetero-normative mommy and daddy.

  • His Hot Wheel cars are all hybrids.

  • You’re constantly on the lookout for avocado-flavored Pedialyte.

  • Her favorite book is “Horton Hears a Micro-aggression”.

  • When Santa asks him what he wants for Christmas, he tells him, “For you to let the Elves form a union and give them health care.”