Reasons You Probably Shouldn’t Own a Pet

May is National Pet Month.  It’s a celebration of the benefits that pets bring to people’s lives . . . but not all people.  Here are The Top Reasons You Probably Shouldn’t Own a Pet.


  • Based on the dead plants in your garden and the dead grandma in your spare bedroom, you’re not good at keeping things alive.
  • You had a potbellied pig for a very short time.  Now you have a year’s supply of bacon.
  • When you realized you accidentally sat on your turtle, you still didn’t feel like getting up.
  • You’re allergic to cat hair…and to responsibility.
  • Your neighbors already assume you have a dog because you bark during sex.
  • You prefer to be the only one allowed to greet people who enter your house by humping their leg.
  • Your last pet was hit by a car, and it was a fish.
  • You spent time in jail for organizing guinea pig hunts in your backyard.
  • You might give it fleas.