Mother’s Day is Sunday, so it’s a great time to check out this list of things your Mom have thought, but was too polite to say.
- When all the other moms brag about their kids, I pretend I’m taking a call.
- Oh that’s a nice top, honey . . . for a PROSTITUTE!
- Thanks for the Sephora gift card, but know what I could really use from you? RENT!
- Your girlfriend’s nice and all, but I have a feeling she’d give me ugly grandkids.
- Yes, it’s important that you tried, but it’s about time you started bringing home some trophies.
- I don’t want any candles or homemade crap. Are you that incapable of buying a decent gift? Also, can you help me out of this chair?
- The only reason I put you in timeout is so I can drink without you knowing.
- Your elementary school art was never worthy of the refrigerator.
- FYI, you’ve got at least three friends I could totally nail.
- I’d like to encourage you to try harder in school . . . but let’s face it, you have limited mental capacity.
- Let me tell you where you could stick both of your effin’ pronouns.
- An unwanted pregnancy can ruin your life. Just look at your Father and Me