The Top Do’s and Don’ts for Visiting Disneyworld


  • Do get a second mortgage to make sure you don’t run out of money halfway through the day.
  • Don’t attempt to socially distance by excusing yourself to the Pirates of the Caribbean skeleton bar.
  • Before wearing your homemade Darth Maul costume to “Star Wars” Land, do take a minute to wonder why you’re a 45-year-old man who’s still a virgin.
  • Do keep your mask on at all times, except when eating or screaming for your lost kid.
  • Don’t accept a neck brace from an attorney passing them out to people exiting the Bumper Car ride.
  • Don’t snap the Little Mermaid’s seashell bra.
  • Do bring walking shoes, snacks, and gloves so you don’t get frostbite touching Walt Disney’s severed head.
  • Don’t lick every doorknob, just to test if your vaccine was strong enough.
  • Do stay six feet away from that guy who came to Disneyworld by himself.