Signs You’re a Lame Superhero

In honor of today being National Superhero Day, please enjoy this list of The Top Signs You’re a Lame Superhero.


  • Forget the Justice League or the Avengers, you can’t even get into your neighborhood watch.
  • Your superpower is eating biscotti without cracking a tooth.
  • The “S” on your chest stands for “Sassy.”
  • Everyone’s really impressed that you felt totally fine after your second dose of the Covid vaccine.
  • Batman has the Batmobile, Wonder Woman has the Invisible Jet . . . you have a bus pass
  • Whenever you save someone’s life, you ask for a positive review on Yelp.
  • When the commissioner needs you, he turns on the bell of the local ice cream truck.
  • You can spot a sentence that needs an Oxford comma from a mile away.
  • You bought your costume at Party City.
  • You target villains with a steady stream of mean tweets.
  • During superhero dodgeball, even Robin gets picked before you.
  • Your bright red cap matches your Crocs.
  • Your hands are lethal weapons, but not nearly as lethal as your breath.
  • Your HQ?  Mom’s basement.