Things the Earth Would Say If It Could Talk

 Today is Earth Day, so it’s a good time to check out this list of The Top Things the Earth Would Say If It Could Talk.


  • I’ve got Leonardo DiCaprio fighting for me.  Who do you got, Neptune?
  • I am SO ready for you jackasses to move to Mars!
  • When you destroy the Amazon rainforest, you’re giving me a Brazilian.
  • And yes all you eight-year-olds, I’m glad I’m very far away from Uranus.
  • I have really enjoyed this past year.  Who’s up for COVID-21?
  • I’m glad there’s a day to honor me, but how about some love for my friends, Wind and Fire.
  • Knock it off with all that fighting, or I’ll turn right around and rotate the opposite direction!
  • Does Pepcid work on molten lava?
  • Seriously, is there anything on me that WASN’T made in China?
  • I love all my oceans, but my all-time favorite is Billy.