Reasons Why You Won’t Be the Next Host of “Jeopardy!”

There’s no word yet on who will be the next host of “Jeopardy!”  But it definitely won’t be you.  Check out The Top Reasons Why You Won’t Be the Next Host of “Jeopardy!”


  • The only thing you like to do under hot lights is grow weed.
  • You hold the Guinness World Record for pushing on the most doors that say “pull.”
  • You couldn’t care less what an accountant from Cedar Rapids does for fun.
  • You’re easily stumped by “Match Game” reruns.
  • You’ve only had one camera close-up shot on national TV . . . and that was when you stormed the Capitol on January 6th.
  • Your last job was stealing copper wire.
  • You agree with Ted Nugent and want to know why there wasn’t a lockdown for COVID 1 through 18.
  • The only “dynasty” you’ve ever heard of is that duck one.
  • The only Daily Double you can handle comes in a cocktail glass.
  • You can’t host what you can’t spell.
  • You only like game shows where models hold suitcases.
  • The name on your driver’s license?  “Matt Gaetz.”