Things Your Beer Would Say If It Could Talk.

Since today is National Beer Day. . .


  • Put the mug away and drink me out of the can, you pompous jerk.
  • Good morning! Why are you always drinking me at work?
  • I can’t wait for my empty can to join that massive pyramid you’ve been working on in your front window.
  • It’s an honor to be your catalyst for burping the alphabet.
  • I’m a lager . . . but I identify as a stout.
  • What am I doing tonight?  Trying to dissolve a urinal cake.
  • How about you slow down?  It’s not fun for ME when I come back out of your mouth, either.
  • You’ll never understand how offensive “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall” is to my people.
  • Uh-oh.  You’re starting to slur.  You may want to lay off me before you make your next in-flight announcement, captain.
  • My motto?  Don’t worry, be HOPPY!