Spring Break Tips

The CDC is recommending that college students stay home for spring break, but many are still heading out.  Hopefully, they’ll stay safe and follow some of the things on this list of The Top Tips for College Students Going on Spring Break.


  • No matter how much fun she gets when she’s on molly, leave Grandma at home.
  • When playing cornhole, keep your hands off each other’s bags.
  • Make sure whatever your hands are doing in pictures isn’t some new white supremacy symbol.
  • Don’t know a guy’s name?  Just go with “Bruh.”  There’s a 99.9% chance he’ll respond.
  • Carry a hair tie in your pocket since there won’t always be someone in Taco Bell at 4:00 A.M. to hold your hair back when you vomit.
  • Just post a bunch of selfies from the pool at Daddy’s condo and SAY you’re in Cancun.
  • Don’t ask if anyone wants to play Governor Cuomo’s Office.
  • A thong is not a mask.
  • Skip Cancun . . . it’s no longer cool since Ted Cruz went.
  • If you remember any of these tips during spring break, you’re not doing it right.