Signs Your Dog Trainer Isn’t Very Good

 President Biden is sending his dogs to his Delaware home after one of them bit a security guard at The White House.  Maybe the Bidens should hire a qualified trainer, and not one described on this list of The Top Signs Your Dog Trainer Sucks.


  • He has three fingers on one hand, and two-and-a-half on the other.
  • It’s been weeks and your dog hasn’t learned ANY TikTok choreography.
  • The only thing he taught your dog is to dig shallow graves in the backyard.
  • When you offer him a bottle of water, he says, “No thanks, I just slurped some from your toilet.”
  • She taught your dog to stop humping legs.  And that was your favorite part of the day.
  • Your puppy still pees in the house . . . but in little smiley face patterns.
  • He’s the first result when you Google “sucky dog trainers.”
  • He prepares Fido for lesson time by blowing weed smoke in his snout.
  • He admits that his only obedience training experience is limited to his dominatrix sessions.
  • He bills himself as a slightly less level-headed Piers Morgan.
  • He teaches your German Shepherd to invade Poland.
  • He tells you he can’t change your dog unless it WANTS to change.