Rejected Fortune Cookie Messages

Everyone looks forward to getting a fortune cookie when they get Chinese food.  Although that might not be the case if you got one like you’ll hear on this list of The Top Rejected Fortune Cookie Messages.


  • Stop hoping for that surprise inheritance . . . your whole family is poor!
  • FYI, that last bite of General Tso’s officially gave you diabetes.
  • If you’re on a date and you took her to this place, she won’t be having sex with you
  • Gross!  I can totally see up your nose.
  • You really should skip eating this cookie, tubby
  • Thank you for having low enough self-esteem to eat at Panda Express.
  • Follow your heart.  Unless your heart tells you to go to Newark.  Then, don’t follow your heart.
  • The road less traveled is probably where they dumped the body.
  • Hey, does it bother you that a stranger stuck paper in your food?
  • You don’t need to read your fortune, it’s all fake news anyway.
  • Speak from the heart.  Fart from the anus.
  • I have a very special set of skills, and I will find you.  And I will kill you.
  • You will find the Ace of Base cassette that led to your first middle school breakup.
  • Good things come to those who are named Tom Brady.