Signs Your Bartender Is Not Very Good

Today is World Bartender Day . . . a day to celebrate bartenders.  Unfortunately, not all of them deserve love.  Here are The Top Signs Your Bartender Sucks.


  • You ask for a Buttery Nipple . . . he pulls up his shirt and breaks out the Smart Balance.
  • His dirty martini is just a regular martini that he puts in front of you, and then seductively stirs with his tongue.
  • She’s wearing a Hawaiian shirt, and yet hasn’t bothered to light ONE drink on fire.
  • He doesn’t even know he’s supposed to sling his bar rag over his shoulder before giving you sage advice.
  • He’s just like Tom Cruise in “Cocktail” except most of the time the bottles fly out of his hands and crack people’s skulls.
  • She serves you water and says if you have enough faith, it will turn into wine.