Things Your Refrigerator Would Say If It Could Talk

Luckily, our kitchen appliances can’t talk to us.  But if they could, your fridge might fire off some things from this list of The Top Things Your Refrigerator Would Say If It Could Talk.


  • Do I have any say with these magnets?  I know they’re family, but some of these people are butt ugly!
  • I don’t care how fast you open the door, you’ll never catch the tiny man who turns my light on.
  • After I die, please don’t leave me on the front porch like your hillbilly neighbors.
  • Dude, nice try with the vegetables, but we all know they’re just gonna rot in the crisper.
  • Is it true you’re cheating on me with someone else in the garage?
  • Hey, I’m a big “Brady Bunch” fan . . . can you paint me avocado green?
  • Yes, more baking soda will definitely mask the fact that you’re a disgusting slob.
  • You don’t understand, in some places, ice chunks in milk is a delicacy.
  • Yes, your fridge is talking to you.  And yes, you’ve gone insane from quarantine.  But no, the two aren’t related.
  • If some wiseguy calls and asks you if I’m running, just hang up.
  • Every time you use my water dispenser, I feel like the whole room is watching me pee.
  • Please stop calling me an appliance.  I prefer “food preservation unit.”
  • So this Chinese takeout from 2018 can probably go . . .