Dos and Don’ts of Drinking Wine

There is an established etiquette when it comes to drinking wine.  Learn a little about it with this list of The Top Dos and Don’ts of Drinking Wine.


  • At a restaurant, do ask for advice from the waiter on which wine will get you the most smashed for the least amount of money.
  • Do always speak extensively on your knowledge of wines, and insult others who don’t know as much as you.  People love that.
  • Don’t make crafts from used corks.  All it does is tell others you’re a creative alcoholic.
  • Do look at the clarity of the liquid. . . to make sure there’s not a tooth floating in it. 
  • Do use a sippy cup so you don’t spill any
  • Do keep your wine in a cool, dark place . . . like Carole Baskin’s heart.
  • When dining at a friend’s house, bring a bottle.  When dining at a friend’s double-wide, bring a box.
  • Don’t listen to Trump’s advice and add Clorox to your glass.
  • If your host doesn’t refill your glass automatically, don’t complain.  Start throwing stuff.
  • Do raise one eyebrow so you look like you know what you’re doing before inserting a straw.
  • Don’t give your empties to Scott Baio.  Find a more deserving homeless person
  • Do keep an expensive bottle in reserve to celebrate special events like the death of a wealthy relative.
  • Do stop being so pretentious and grab a High Life.