“Benefits” of Eating Fast Food Every Day

Former NFL star Chad Johnson says he was never injured because he ate McDonald’s every day.  So add avoiding injury to this list of The Top Benefits of Eating Fast Food Every Day.


  • You’re the only person outside the “family” who really knows what’s in a McRib.
  • You save money only buying one shoe instead of a pair.
  • COVID can’t take away your taste because, duh:  you never had any!
  • Whenever there’s a task that involves running, jumping, or generally just not dying of a heart attack, nobody bothers you.
  • The acne you get from all that grease keeps you feeling like a teenager.
  • It’s a necessary action in your war on vegans.
  • They know you so well they always slip that one extra ketchup packet into your bag.
  • You can take pride in the knowledge that half of those “99 billion served” are you.
  • Your wife always knows she’ll get McNuggets for Valentine’s Day dinner.  And you always know you’ll get nothing for Valentine’s Day sex. 
  • You have enough napkins to last you at least until 2029.