Reasons You Haven’t Started Your Christmas Shopping

Christmas is just a few days away and many of you haven’t even begun to shop.  Find your excuse on this list of The Top Reasons You Haven’t Started Your Christmas Shopping.


  • Everyone on your list only wants one thing.  And Clorox wipes are impossible to find.
  • You don’t know how to do anything online except Facebook and porn.
  • Your lover hasn’t told you what she wants.  Neither has your wife.
  • You always wait until the last second to do things like shopping or taking the coronavirus seriously.
  • You’re a senior citizen and Tom Selleck took all your money in that reverse mortgage scam he peddles on TV.
  • You have to wait until the last minute because you’re getting everyone a McRib.
  • Your family sucks and your friends don’t exist.
  • You’re filing a lawsuit to dispute the results of your family’s Secret Santa gift exchange.
  • Your wife wants you to buy her something sexy.  But there’s nothing on sale at Walmart.
  • Um, isn’t that what we pay Santa for???