Possibly True Nobel Prize “Facts”

People who win them are called “laureates.”  Just like people who win Oscars are called “Meryl Streep.”


  • Next year, there will be a Nobel Prize for TikTok, and that skateboarder guy is getting it.
  • The Nobel Prize rewards scientists who answer life’s great mysteries.  Like, “How is Mario Lopez still working?”
  • Bob Dylan recently got one for inventing an entirely new language that only he understands.
  • Gandhi was nominated five times and never won.  And yet he never freaked out and interrupted Taylor Swift on live TV.
  • It’s the highest award in science.  Next to getting a date.
  • The awards ceremony is held in Sweden, so the winners get a diploma, a gold medal, and a lifetime supply of meatballs at IKEA.
  • Since recipients are mostly old white guys, winners are announced on CBS.
  • There is no Nobel Prize for Eyebrow Raising because every year it would go to The Rock.
  • Anyone can get nominated for the Nobel Prize.  Though if you’ve lost more than one finger to a firework explosion, you can probably rule yourself out.
  • Award categories include literature, chemistry, medicine, and “keepin’ it real.”
  • Alfred Nobel invented dynamite, which is why it’s a travesty that Jimmie “J.J.” Walker never got an award for inventing DY-NO-MITE!!!