Things Americans Are Thankful for This Thanksgiving

Tomorrow is a day where Americans count their blessings and give thanks for the good in their lives.  See if you match anything on this list of The Top Things Americans Are Thankful for This Thanksgiving.


  • The comedic stylings of Rudy Giuliani.
  • You never shared a Zoom call with Jeffrey Toobin.
  • A pants-optional work environment.
  • Unlike certain legal figures, we know to use sweat-proof hair dye.
  • Face masks do a great job concealing extra chins.
  • Travel restrictions that will keep you far apart from your QAnon-believing uncle.
  • Many weddings were postponed a year.  So those folks get a lot of time to rethink their decision.
  • That you didn’t invest in Quibi.
  • There are only ten recounts left before the election is finally over.
  • Family and friends.  And the fact that this year, COVID-19 gave us a perfect excuse to avoid them.
  • That we have healed as a divided country and are now living in total peace and harmony!  (Why, yes, I did start drinking early. Why do you ask?)
  • It’s hard to tell vodka from water on a Zoom call with coworkers.
  • Seeing the New England Patriots lose.
  • Kim and Kanye won’t be living in the White House.
  • We’re not facing a shortage of buttermilk ranch.
  • Stretchy pants.