Even though the CDC is urging Americans not to fly for Thanksgiving, many plan to do so. So we hope those folks will first take a minute to check out this list of The Top Tips for Flying During the Pandemic.
- Skip your traditional Thanksgiving Day flight to Wuhan.
- Remember to say “Ain’t got the ‘rona” every time you sneeze.
- Avoid sitting next to Rudy Giuliani. If it gets hot on the plane you might get stained.
- Since it’s Thanksgiving, bring along a turkey as your emotional support animal.
- During the beverage service, be sure to order a Clorox and cranberry.
- If anyone insists on taking off their mask, let them know you insist on taking off your shoes.
- Bring a mask for your elbow in case you have to share the armrest.
- No matter how delicious they look, try to resist the urge to lick all the tray tables.
- Avoid touching your eyes, mouth, and nose. In other words, keep your hands buried squarely in your crotch.
- Demand to have your own row . . . unless there’s an empty seat next to the college girls flying home for Thanksgiving.
- To reduce anxiety, close your eyes if the in-flight movie is “Outbreak”.
- For an extra layer of protection, see if you can fit inside the overhead compartment.
- Wear a mask. So others can’t see you mouth the words when you attempt to read the in-flight magazine.
- Bring a plastic bag in case you end up next to a baby, so you can ask the parents to put it inside for the duration of the flight.
- If you see a gremlin tearing apart the wing, just remember it’s 2020.