Tips for Flying During the Pandemic

Even though the CDC is urging Americans not to fly for Thanksgiving, many plan to do so.  So we hope those folks will first take a minute to check out this list of The Top Tips for Flying During the Pandemic.


  • Skip your traditional Thanksgiving Day flight to Wuhan.
  • Remember to say “Ain’t got the ‘rona” every time you sneeze.
  • Avoid sitting next to Rudy Giuliani.  If it gets hot on the plane you might get stained.
  • Since it’s Thanksgiving, bring along a turkey as your emotional support animal.
  • During the beverage service, be sure to order a Clorox and cranberry.
  • If anyone insists on taking off their mask, let them know you insist on taking off your shoes.
  • Bring a mask for your elbow in case you have to share the armrest.
  • No matter how delicious they look, try to resist the urge to lick all the tray tables.
  • Avoid touching your eyes, mouth, and nose.  In other words, keep your hands buried squarely in your crotch.
  • Demand to have your own row . . . unless there’s an empty seat next to the college girls flying home for Thanksgiving.
  • To reduce anxiety, close your eyes if the in-flight movie is “Outbreak”.
  • For an extra layer of protection, see if you can fit inside the overhead compartment.
  • Wear a mask.  So others can’t see you mouth the words when you attempt to read the in-flight magazine.
  • Bring a plastic bag in case you end up next to a baby, so you can ask the parents to put it inside for the duration of the flight.
  • If you see a gremlin tearing apart the wing, just remember it’s 2020.