Questions to Ask Yourself Before Renting an Apartment


Will you be apartment hunting in the near future?  If that’s the case, you might benefit from first checking out this list of The Top Questions to Ask Yourself Before Renting an Apartment.


  • Will I have to pretend I’m gay to live platonically with two women, or do I watch too many reruns?
  • How attached are they to draconian capitalistic concepts like “rent?”
  • Can I hear the neighbors having sex through the wall?  Also, will I have to pay extra for that?
  • Is it big enough to hold the 60 people I have over for my weekly COVID super-spreader parties?
  • Will it have a bedroom big enough to fit my coffin?  Sorry, that’s a question for Rudy Giuliani to ask himself.
  • Are my online beginner tap dancing lessons going to be a problem for the neighbors?
  • Should I rent a studio apartment in California or buy a four-bedroom home in Iowa?
  • Is it normal to have walls so thin you know your neighbors’ poop schedules?
  • Does it have a storage area . . . large enough for corpses?
  • Can I list the apartment on Airbnb and finally fulfill my lifelong dream of meeting a bunch of creepy, German tourists?