Reasons You Won’t Make It in the Military

 We honor all those who served in the military on Veterans Day.  But some of us would never make the cut.  Here are The Top Reasons You Won’t Make It in the Military.


  • Duh.  You can’t fit into a tank when you’re the size of one.
  • There’s no such thing as a camouflage muumuu.
  • You don’t like taking orders from anyone unless they’re wearing fishnets.
  • Gunfire makes you tinkle.  Oh, and also the fact you use the word “tinkle.”
  • Finding out that boot camp doesn’t have dance-off competitions is a deal breaker.
  • The “push-ups” they require you to finish aren’t ice cream bars.
  • Your military hero is Gomer Pyle.
  • You prefer to rise at the crack of noon.