Signs You’re a Descendant of Neanderthals

New research shows people who have ancestors who were Neanderthals get more severe cases of COVID-19.  Should you worry?  Here are The Top Signs You’re a Descendant of Neanderthals.



  • You met your wife clubbing.  Literally.  You hit her on the head with a branch.
  • A unibrow is an automatic “swipe right.”
  • To you, “The Flintstones” is cultural appropriation.
  • Laser hair removal clinics call you “The Challenge.”
  • Quentin Tarantino mocks the size of YOUR forehead.
  • Your annual physical is done by a paleontologist.
  • To be honest, you’re still a little scared of fire.
  • You were eating a Paleo diet before it was trendy.
  • You shop on Amazon for a woolly mammoth parka.
  • You live off residuals from your Geico commercials.
  • Instead of artwork, the walls of your condo are covered with rudimentary drawings of prehistoric animals.
  • NFL fans know you as “Gronk.”
  • Your favorite music?  Rock.