Students across the country are returning to classrooms. We’re here to help with this list of The Top Tips for Kids Returning to School During COVID-19.
- Get your kids the coolest masks, so they’re not tempted to trade with their friends.
- This should probably go without saying, but DON’T LICK THE DODGEBALL.
- Stay six feet away from other students . . . and the cafeteria meatloaf.
- Ask to see test results before beginning an affair with the teacher.
- When a bully asks for your milk money, shrug and say, “Sorry, bro . . . coin shortage.”
- Open an honest dialogue with your kids about how the world is on fire and we might not survive to see 2021.
- Don’t trade your hydroxychloroquine for Pringles unless they’re sour cream and onion.
- Bring binoculars since social distancing means your desk will be pretty far away from the smart kid you like to cheat off of.
- Any time you get a low grade on a test, blame the six months of home schooling you got from your dumb parents.
- Parents, talk to your kids. Well, moms talk to your kids . . . dads just stay painfully uncommunicative like you always do.
- No eating paste out of the same bottle as another kid.
- Avoid sharing food during lunch. Especially if mom packed a bat.