Tips for Kids Returning to School During COVID-19

 Students across the country are returning to classrooms.  We’re here to help with this list of The Top Tips for Kids Returning to School During COVID-19.


  • Get your kids the coolest masks, so they’re not tempted to trade with their friends.
  • This should probably go without saying, but DON’T LICK THE DODGEBALL.
  • Stay six feet away from other students . . . and the cafeteria meatloaf.
  • Ask to see test results before beginning an affair with the teacher.
  • When a bully asks for your milk money, shrug and say, “Sorry, bro . . . coin shortage.”
  • Open an honest dialogue with your kids about how the world is on fire and we might not survive to see 2021.
  • Don’t trade your hydroxychloroquine for Pringles unless they’re sour cream and onion.
  • Bring binoculars since social distancing means your desk will be pretty far away from the smart kid you like to cheat off of.
  • Any time you get a low grade on a test, blame the six months of home schooling you got from your dumb parents.
  • Parents, talk to your kids.  Well, moms talk to your kids . . . dads just stay painfully uncommunicative like you always do.
  • No eating paste out of the same bottle as another kid.
  • Avoid sharing food during lunch.  Especially if mom packed a bat.