Tips for Flying During the Pandemic

Are you taking a flight soon?  If so, we hope you’ll first take a minute to check out this list of The Top Tips for Flying During the Pandemic.



  • Cover your eyes.  Not just to protect yourself against COVID.  The in-flight movie might be “Cats”.
  • Forget about the Mile High Club and just have sex in your own bathroom before leaving for the airport.
  • If you’re flying Southwest, ask the pilot if he can pour a little whiskey from his flask onto your hands to sanitize them.
  • Bring your own individually-wrapped nuts.  And also something to snack on.
  • Keep your entire row open by faking a dry cough.
  • Fly anywhere but Georgia or Florida.
  • Only remove your mask in case of an emergency.  Or if you really need to ask for help with the airline magazine’s crossword puzzle.
  • When the beverage cart comes by, ask for a full can of Clorox.
  • Avoid using the plane’s restroom and use the airsickness bag instead.
  • Bring a neck pillow filled with garlic.  Some people are so focused on coronavirus, they’re forgetting to safeguard against vampires!
  • Disinfect your seat, seatbelt, and the weird guy next to you.
  • No matter how hungry you are or how delicious they look, do not lick the armrests.
  • Always wear a mask.  You’re that ugly.