Things You Don’t Want to Hear in a Grocery Store

 Going grocery shopping should be a pleasant and uneventful chore.  But that wouldn’t be the case if you experience anything like you’ll find on this list of The Top Things You Don’t Want to Hear in a Grocery Store.


  • The 15-items-or-less line is to your left . . . Nazis only to the right.
  • Clean up on aisle four . . . all the way to the bathroom.
  • Due to the coin shortage, will you accept your change in day-old soup?
  • Check it out!  I got a head of lettuce for 50 cents!  Sure, it’s because that lady coughed on it, but what a deal!
  • No, we got rid of our meat section, we’re all vegan now!
  • I’m sorry, but what you’re doing to those melons is technically against the law.
  • No ma’am, that’s not a carton of rotten eggs you smell . . . it’s my IBS.
  • Stay six feet away . . . from the Oreos, fatty!
  • We don’t shower the produce here, so I’m not exactly sure why that’s wet.
  • Sir, I’m going to need to get a price check on this hemorrhoid cream.  Just hold on while I grab the intercom . . .
  • We’re out of toilet paper, but there’s a sale on kitty litter.