Things You Shouldn’t Say to Your Landlord

 It’s a good idea to maintain a cordial relationship with your landlord.  Which is why it’s also a good idea to avoid uttering anything from this list of The Top Things You Shouldn’t Say to Your Landlord.


  • Are you here for the rent . . . or my COVID party?
  • Oh, man!  You should use some of my rent money on deodorant.
  • Will the chlorine in the hot tub kill chlamydia?
  • Sorry about the blood on the walls.  Human sacrifices are messy!
  • I don’t feel isolated at all now that I started breeding baby rats.
  • Hope you don’t mind, but I hired a realtor and the house is now in escrow.
  • You can’t make me pay the pet deposit, because my 12 cats are emotional support animals.
  • Can you repair the shower handle?  It broke while I was using it for leverage during sex with your wife.
  • Are you cool if I get a roommate?  And a tiger?