Signs You Don’t Know American History.

  • You believe this country was founded on life, liberty, and the pursuit of sassiness.
  • You say the Louisiana Purchase was only made after it was listed on Zillow.
  • You think the Donner Party survived thanks to the Domino’s app.
  • When someone told you the plot of the movie “Pearl Harbor” you were like, “Dude, spoiler alert!!!”
  • You believe Charles Lindbergh was the first man on the Moon.  And Neil Armstrong was an African-American jazz singer.
  • You think the First Continental Congress invented the Continental breakfast.
  • You wonder why the actual Alexander Hamilton never released a hip-hop album.
  • You think the Great Depression could have been prevented with Zoloft.
  • You insist the “B” in Susan B. Anthony stands for “Beyoncé.”
  • You were genuinely surprised to learn that women had the right to vote.
  • You think Orville and Wilbur Wright made a delicious microwavable popcorn.
  • Most of your knowledge comes from “We Didn’t Start The Fire”.
  • You think Washington, D.C. is named after Denzel.
  • Your reaction to the Lincoln Memorial is, “Whoa!  He was GINORMOUS!”