Are you planning a picnic this weekend? If so, we can help make sure it rocks with this list of The Top Tips for Having a Great Picnic.
- Find out ahead of time if anyone has food allergies and then mock them for being weak.
- Carrying a $100 picnic basket from Crate & Barrel is a great way to let everyone know you’re about to call the police.
- Before you pack the knives, wipe off the blood from last night’s murder spree.
- Throw out anything that looks spoiled. Or vegan.
- Don’t waste all the hand sanitizer on killing ants. Use your handgun.
- Bring bug repellent . . . as well as some Karen repellent.
- Avoid depressing topics. Like the fact you’re having a picnic.
- Make a wand from leftover foil and encourage your most annoying child to hold it in the air during a lightning storm.
- Bring some honey in a jar and put it 50 feet away from your picnic so you can distract the murder hornets.
- Don’t forget to scream, “Screw you, global warming!” after using an ungodly amount of plastic plates and utensils.
- Bring bug repellent . . . as well as some “Karen” repellent.
- Bring something large enough to lay on the ground like a rug, blanket, or John Travolta hairpiece.