Cool Things About Being a Lifeguard

Being a lifeguard is a serious and important job . . . but it also has a lot of perks.  Hear some of them from this list of The Top Cool Things About Being a Lifeguard.


  • Bored?  Just blow your whistle and yell “SHARK!”
  • You don’t have a manager for Karen to speak to. 
  • No one ever asks you where you went to college.
  • Zinc oxide on top of your nose distracts from the cocaine on the bottom.
  • Look how cool being one made The Hoff!  That’s sarcasm.
  • You save a ton of money not shopping at bookstores.
  • It’s the only way a woman will ever let you give her mouth-to-mouth.
  • The sunscreen makes you smell like coconut.  So no one notices that you’re hammered on piña coladas.
  • Your high platform seat has built-in social distancing.
  • It’s the only job you won’t get in trouble for showing off your “dinghy.”
  • What other people see as a pool, you see as your very own toilet.