Fascinating “Facts” About the Founding Fathers
July 2, 20209:09 am
- George Washington said he couldn’t lie, but everyone who saw his Tinder profile knew better.
- Benjamin Franklin was the inventor of the gimp mask.
- Contrary to current belief, none of them were successful rappers.
- They all giggled like eight-year-old boys every time someone said “John Hancock.”
- James Madison proposed that congressional pay be tied to the price of wheat. Now it’s determined by fossil fuel lobbyists.
- Ironically, none of these guys ever had a particularly comfortable mattress.
- George Washington wanted to be remembered by a giant phallic symbol.
- Many Americans don’t care about them because they weren’t revealed as fathers on “Maury”.
- They added the Second Amendment to the Constitution so that Americans would always have something to fight about.
- The only thing Ben Franklin spent more time in than the library was prostitutes.
- George Washington copied his ponytail from Steven Seagal.
- Thomas Jefferson made the Louisiana Purchase with bitcoin.
