Things You Don’t Want to Hear in a Bar

People are starting to go back to bars as the economy reopens.  So if you happen to visit one, we hope you won’t experience anything like you’ll find on this list of The Top Things You Don’t Want to Hear in a Bar.


  • OMG, Karen, the jukebox has the “Electric Slide”!!!
  • You’re Antifa?  How funny, I belong to a right-wing militia.
  • Can I buy you a Clorox?
  • The beer’s free.  Cups are $1,000.
  • And now, for our next karaoke performance:  Four drunk white women singing a Whitney Houston song!
  • Sure hope this whiskey helps kill my mouth herpes.
  • Sorry, we don’t serve deceptively strong and vividly colorful drinks that get women wasted before they know what hit them.
  • Let’s discuss politics and religion.
  • We’re out of beer, but we have plenty of White Claw.
  • Catching coronavirus will be the least of your worries after you use our restroom.
  • Instead of peanut shells, we cover our floors with human teeth.
  • . . . and that’s how I lost my junk in a wood chipper.
  • Gin and tonic?  Let me look up the recipie
  • Could you put the pre-season Arena Football game on?