Reasons You Haven’t Joined Twitter

 Twitter has over 330 million global monthly users . . . but you aren’t one of them.  Your excuse might be found here on this list of The Top Reasons You Haven’t Joined Twitter.

  • It’s a stupid act that you’ll inevitably regret.  Like marriage.
  • It takes way too long to type out a tweet on your TracFone.
  • The same reason you rarely speak up in life.  Nobody cares what you have to say.
  • You’re allergic to insane conspiracy theories.
  • You prefer that your online exchanges with strangers not result in your blood pressure spiking by 100 points.
  • It simply regurgitates misinformation, childish insults, and spite.  And you can get that from our president.
  • You no be goodly wit words n’nat.
  • You think the toilet should be reserved for pooping and Facebook.
  • It would just be too painful to get blocked by Scott Baio.
  • Your thoughts are too awesome to limit to 280 characters.
  • You’re worried that you’ll post a joke and 10 years from now it will get you “canceled.”
  • No matter what you tweet, all anyone reads is “ME!  ME!  ME!!”
  • You prefer communicating through interpretative dance.