Top Home Improvement Tips

Many people are attempting DIY projects during the pandemic.  We can help with this list of The Top Home Improvement Tips.


  • Never buy a toilet until you’ve tried the floor sample.
  • Replace all electrical devices in your sex dungeon with newer, more energy-efficient models.
  • Just to mess with your guests, get bathroom wallpaper that’s just a bunch of people staring at them.
  • Hire a divorce attorney.  Getting rid of your spouse is the biggest home improvement you can make.
  • Install a farm sink in your open concept kitchen before the other soccer moms think you’re some kind of loose cannon.
  • Layer your lighting choices for different options, from dim enough that your spouse looks good to bright enough that you’re married to a hideous beast.
  • An outdoor kitchen is great for summertime family gatherings and will also prepare you for eventually living on the street.
  • Buy a stepladder.  It’s useful for many household tasks, plus it gives you a better vantage point when you peek through your window to look at your hot neighbor sunbathing in the nude.
  • Don’t ask your wife for permission to turn the spare bedroom into a bobblehead museum.  Trust me:  she’ll love it!
  • Get a stud finder.  The hardware tool . . . not the Grindr app.
  • Choose a tasty wood so the termites give you a decent Yelp review.