Things You Don’t Want to Hear on Your Mother’s Day Zoom Call

  • Well, this is disappointing on multiple levels
  • Your father is going to need this computer soon to look at his porn
  • You can’t come to visit your own mother just because of a little plague?
  • Wow, this technology is impressive. You, not so much
  • If the camera adds ten pounds, why do you look malnourished?
  • Hang on-I gotta go to the toilet, and I’m taking you with me
  • 14 hours of labor, and all I get is 6 minutes of face time?
  • I’m putting you on mute until you learn some manners, mister
  • Guess what? I’m not wearing anything from the waist down
  • How do you shut this *%$#@ thing off??